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"Shadow on the Sun"Written By: Miss Murdered Disclaimer: I don't own the GW characters - am just borrowing to torment for my amusement Rating: NC 17 Warnings: m/m sexual relations, angst, death fic
that is not quite a death fic, some swearing Pairings: 1x2x1 and background 3x4 AN: It is heavily inspired by the films Solaris,
Moon and Sunshine and the title is taken from the Audioslave song
Shadow on the Sun - as per usual, songs inspired chapters and will
be noted. Summary: After Duo's death, Heero
becomes a scientist aboard a sun research facility called the Solar.
In a month of unusual solar activity, he starts seeing Duo again and
Heero has to consider his sanity or whether there is way that Duo
can be alive. " Shadow on the Sun"
Chapter Two Cold Blue Lips ~
Your cold blue lips they haunt me while I sleep "Heart rate increasing to 145 beats per minute. Keeping treadmill at current incline for five minutes," DORIS said, informing Heero of his progress. "Increase incline." "Negative - programme is required at this level for optimum data extraction." "Increase incline," Heero repeated, his breathing level and even despite the increase in the intensity of the work out. "Negative - programme is required -" "Damn it, increase incline!" "Negative - programme is required at this level for optimum data extraction." He could only grunt as he listened to his own heart beats as he continued the workout programme Doctor Hoffman had developed for the scientists aboard the Solar. Obviously not scientist who had undergone severe training programmes - who had spent their childhood being moulded and injected and brain washed. He'd tampered with it before but he was aware that Hoffman required a certain criteria of data and thus his hacking into the exercise regime had not been appreciated. Heero could forget that part of the point of the Solar's research remit was to monitor the effects of deep space conditions on the human body. On his body. And this data was apparently vital. He wanted something more intense. Wanted to run harder, faster, longer than the specified programme - needed to - damn it, really needed to. The dreams were getting worse. He was starting to remember them and he'd woken up this morning in damp sheets for the first time since he was a teenager just discovering his sexuality under the skilled fingers and slight smirk of a boy who believed himself to be death. He was in his twenties. It was fucking embarrassing and it was his body betraying and his body had never betrayed him. Thus the intensity of the work out. Heero needed to stop having the dreams. He pumped his legs harder trying to make the machine respond. Damn the AI. He'd override it again. Do something. Screw Hoffman - he was sat in a research centre in Zurich. He wasn't here. "Programme ending." "Continue programme and increase intensity." "Negative - required exercise completed." The treadmill began to slow and he found himself walking as it stalled finally to stop. His heart rate was echoing around the small chamber of the room as it started to decrease - the exertion ending. Heero glared at the walls, staring at the metallic box around him to show his displeasure at the stupid system. He removed the electrodes off his chest, throwing them without care in the general vicinity of the machine and walked over to the pull up bar. "You have completed the required regime, He-Ro." "I know." "You have data to correlate and send to Doctor Hoffman." He ran his fingers impatiently through his hair feeling the slight moisture from his exercise. He wanted to laugh sometimes at the lack of challenge Doctor Hoffman's regime provided him. The man should have met Doctor J. Then the true nature of an exercise regime would be shown. The thought was not pleasant and he realised he'd spent a lot of years blocking out the intensity and strain his body and mind had been put under from a very young age. "I will send it when I am done," Heero said, looking up at the pull up bar raised above his head. His fingers wrapped around the bar and he slowly, at first, pulled his entire body weight and just held it there. He was aware that DORIS was still speaking to him and was aware that the AI was telling him to send the data but he tried to block it out, holding himself completely steady and feeling his muscles and concentrating on keeping his body still. He took a deep breath before lowering himself and pulling up more firmly, feeling every moment of contraction in his body. He needed to keep going. His body could take this and it was better than stopping and thinking. And thinking about his dream. They were so dream-like it was disturbing. Duo had his hair down. That in itself was weird. It had always been off limits, sacred , untouchable - a few shower sex sessions where it was unavoidable had been the only time that Heero had really experienced his hair down and he was fine with that - or so he figured. Maybe it had been a latent desire of his to feel how it felt against his skin, unbound, too damn much of it and... Fuck. He was not supposed to be thinking about it. He paused - listened for a moment to the complaints coming from the AI system and then took a deep breath before continuing the process of pulling his body upwards, relax, repeat. It felt all too real. Too close. The feel of lips and skin... a tongue against the column of his throat, a hand down his sides, slowly kneading, a hard cock digging into his hip. He was being tormented, touched, tasted and either unwilling or unable to fight back, he was letting it happen - letting someone control every inch of his body, wring out gasps and half-hearted moans as he moved hands into hair... His breathing felt shallow and he couldn't for a moment tell if it was from the exertion of exercise or the erotic visions that were plaguing him. He needed to forget. Needed to concentrate on his breathing. His body. His muscles. His heartbeat. He could feel a moment of control sliding back in and he needed reality. He knew, logically, Duo was dead. Remembered how the corpse looked. Remembered the stupid black casket. Remembered the reports and crime scene photographs and awful reality of a grave stone. Had to hold onto that. Duo was dead. Seeing him aboard the Solar was impossible. He just had to remember the reality of it all. Had to remember the argument in the apartment and Quatre shouting that he shouldn't go and see the body as Duo wouldn't want to see him like that. Had to remember the drive with Wufei to headquarters meeting Sally Po in the atrium. Had to remember the sickening moments of seeing morgue drawers and a white sheet and the clip clop of Sally's heels as she left him alone in the room. Had to remember how he looked. Small. He had looked small all of a sudden. He'd never seemed small. Heero had stepped forward and his hands itched at his side. Duo had been short - he'd barely got to 5'6" even after growth spurts and the wars. His body had never recovered from a childhood of malnutrition and stealing and scraps. Plus there was the unknown element of what the scientists had done to them - G had perhaps been less industrious than J at making a Perfect Soldier but Duo had been injected and experimented on with things that were outside his knowledge. The Preventers had done extensive tests on them all when they'd joined but they were all healthy - if not slightly genetically engineered. Duo may have been short but had never seemed small. Maybe it was the boundless energy. The constant movement. The fidgeting. His body was a ball of motion and he was never still. Not when asleep even - Heero had learnt that at his own cost. There was a reason they had a king sized bed - he wanted to be able to retreat as far away as possible from him otherwise he might get kicked. Now he'd seemed small. His body seemed thin. Heero had swallowed as he gazed from the eyes, closed, and the nose and the mouth and cold blue lips. The braid had snaked from the back of his head and down the side of the gurney and had seemed duller, a darker colour than it had seemed in real life. His eyes had taken in the throat and then the shoulders... he'd never been as broad shouldered as Heero was but his body was toned. They had gone to the gym together after work. They had worked out together. They had jogged competitively around the park. They had boxed. They'd done so much together... The chest had been the most unsettling image. There had been the lines, now stitched, where they had opened the chest cavity. The pale skin had seemed even paler alongside those harsh lines. And then there had been the wounds. Stab wounds - multiple wounds across the expanse of his skin. It was then Heero had wondered if it had hurt. Did dying hurt? He'd come so close himself - thought he was dying when his body hit the ground after self-destruction and maybe again after his plummet into the ocean. He'd reached out cautiously, running a hand along the cold expanse of an arm and feeling an old scar. They'd known every scar on each other's bodies. Heero had blinked and looked up suddenly conscious that Sally had arrived back in the room - he hadn't noticed the clip clop of heels that would announce her arrival and she was looking over the corpse with an expression he'd never seen directed towards him - pity? Did she pity him? His hand had moved from the arm and instinctively he wanted to reach for the small silver cross that should've been located around that pale throat but it was missing. That had startled him more than anything. "His cross." "I'm sorry, Heero?" He'd looked upwards and met Sally's eye. "His cross is missing." "It will be among his personal effects. I can arrange for them to be transferred to your possession." Heero then had realised his tone had been harsh as Sally had flinched from both his gaze and his words. He'd glanced and looked back over Duo's body one last time and then nodded towards the doctor before she replaced the white sheet over him - covering his body. The drawer had been pushed back in and Heero's body had finally seemed to respond to the shock as he'd seen the tag attached to toe - the man he'd loved tagged and numbered and nothing. He'd walked deliberately out of the room, Sally's voice high and passed Wufei to find the men's room and on ascertaining it was empty, he'd approached a stall and fell to his knees and heaved. There had been nothing much in his stomach to bring up but the sickness was all encompassing and he felt it rack through his body as he'd vomited mostly stomach acid and fluid. It had taken only a few minutes for the bathroom door to open and for Heero to have heard the soft footsteps over the sound of his dry retching. There had been nothing left in his stomach and Heero had moved his weight back onto his heels and wiped a hand across his mouth as he felt the gaze of black eyes on him. He'd not closed the stall door and used the sides to get to his feet before flushing the small amount that was the contents of his stomach. It seemed he could not cry but his body had reacted to the shock. To the certainty. To the stark reality of a corpse. Heero's eyes opened again in the rec room aboard the Solar, his memories fading and his breathing levelling. It was then that he felt a jolt of something akin to fear as a voice broke into his consciousness and through the wall of denial. Into his present. "Babe, you always work yourself too hard." His hands were suddenly utterly uncoordinated and Heero found his body in an inelegant sprawl underneath the push up bar, the cold metallic floor chilling his bones as he looked up through heavy bangs. The image was clear but his brain was unable to comprehend it. Duo. Stood in the doorway. Black t-shirt. Black jeans. Relaxed. Casual. Leaning against the opened automatic door, one hand in the pocket of the tight jeans, the other mindlessly playing with the end of his braid. A smirk. It took a moment for any words to fall from Heero's mouth and when it did it was only one word. "Duo." He spoke it out loud into the air and he only got a slight nod for it before Duo turned, the door sliding automatically shut behind him as he left the light of the rec room. It took a moment for Heero to rouse himself from the floor, pushing himself to his feet swiftly and following though the door. He stopped. The Solar was so small that there was no place to go but either to observation room or his own living quarters. The only other avenue was to go towards the air lock. "Scan for life form," Heero ordered DORIS. "Unnecessary. You are the only life form aboard the Solar." He gritted his teeth. "Scan for life form." "Cannot perform instruction as it is not necessary." Ignoring the programme, Heero walked swiftly to the sleeping quarters, seeing where he'd ripped off soiled sheets and wished for a second he had the substantial and familiar feeling of a gun in his hand. He didn't have a weapon aboard the Solar. It was not required and it seemed the most symbolic thing he could do to renounce his old life was to not be armed now he was a research scientist. However, he missed the solid metallic feeling in his fingers. The room was as empty as it had always been - small, prison like, all metallic walls and cold floors. He took a deep breath and walked to the connecting bathroom to see nothing but the shower stall, sink, toilet - nothing unusual. Thankfully he couldn't hear the AI's protests at his lack of sense as he stood in the small confined space. It was clear. It was Duo. Not like the first few brief moments of seeing him. They were all vague, small things that he'd seen out of the corner of his eye - the braid whipping around a corner, a hand reaching out, a shadow, his body moving just too quickly out of the periphery of his vision. This time it was all too clear. Heero glared at the man in the mirror seeing the calm exterior that looked back. His breathing had returned to normal despite the activity and he slowly, rationally, tried to reason how he was seeing this so clearly. Death was death. He had no belief in afterlife - no belief in religion to comfort him despite the small silver cross around his neck. That's what he had to remember aboard the Solar. The reality of death. The knowledge that Duo was not aboard the Solar but in the ground in Sanc. Heero removed his workout clothes as he felt his body return to normal and any elevated heart rate had returned to its standard beats per minute. He turned the shower on, stepping in to a frigid temperature to chill his skin and stop any lingering feelings. He was used to harsh conditions - remembered the lack of temperature in the labs and training facility during his time with J. Remembered worse places when travelling with Odin. He slowly turned up the temperature to a more pleasant milder warmth and found one his hand supporting his body weight, the cool metal against his own body heat. His showers were usually efficient and rapid but the disturbing image of Duo aboard the Solar - casual, that husky voice, those tight clothes - combined with the sexual dream were causing him to pause. He tried to concentrate on simple things. His own breathing. His heartbeat. The way the water fell down onto his skin but soon his eyes slipped shut and the warm water sluiced over muscles, scars and skin gently, warmly and resistance to long denied feelings was slipping. His hand began to slide down his body, fingers tracing a nipple, slowly, teasingly downwards to the defined abs and then lower to dark hair. He'd repressed sexual feelings for so long both before and after Duo. J had never felt it necessary to share information on sex, hoping that his training and his near brain washing would never allow Heero to feel need, want, desire. Duo had undone that. And after... he'd repressed it even harder. Now knowing pleasure, knowing the slow, hot and sweaty and the fast, impatient and "fuck me right now" sex, Heero had tried to ignore all bodily desire. He'd hardly masturbated since he started living aboard the Solar. Tried to block it out as it felt wrong to fantasise about someone who was dead. This time his mind seemed too clouded to consider whether it was wrong but instead provided memories and images. Duo behind him, lips on his neck, a spot in the juncture of his neck and shoulder that he seemed to fixate on - a bite and a pull of skin, tongue lavishing attention on the slight wound. It was the Preventer showers - after hours, no one around, after a long gym session and he felt the body behind him, so close but not quite touching. A slight husky tone as lips travelled upwards to ear. "Want me to stop?" He'd never had the power to say no. Duo had effectively ripped up his self-control through years of prodding and teasing and making him want things. The public setting did nothing to inhibit them - maybe they wanted to be caught - sometimes Heero wondered if they had. His hand had drifted to his hard cock, slowly stroking imagining another hands slow deliberate movements as a tongue ran down the back of his neck, returning to that particular patch of skin and nipping and biting. Heero's eyes were squeezed shut as his hand moved along to the head of his dick and then all the way back down to the base. He started a faster rhythm feeling the pressure of another hand than his own, a slight squeeze, a knowledge that a little roughness was required. The water was turning colder again on his body but Heero barely felt it as his skin burnt and the proximity of another body became apparent as contact between his back and chest and the brush of contact made him rock backward slightly to meet the hardness that matched Heero own erection. He jolted for a second feeling the contact as it felt so real against his skin but kept his eyes shut, wanting to feel and not think of reality. The hand sped up, another lower, cradling balls between fingers and that was enough for him. Cum splattered against the metallic shower walls and his body shuddered against the power of his ejaculation. He hadn't come like that since Duo was alive... sparks behind his eyes, white light... the limp feeling of the aftershocks sexual release washing over him. Heero opened his eyes to see the shower water had already begun to clean the cum away and he steadied himself for a second, both hands against the wall and lowering his head, letting his hair soak under the cold spray. There was a vague feeling of guilt after the high and he turned off the water, grabbing a towel and exiting the shower, a hand drifting momentarily to the spot that he'd imagined lips and tongue and teeth worrying. He thought nothing of it as he dried his body, slipping into a baggier t-shirt - one of his own and a simple pair of shorts. The moment of weakness in the shower at least had relaxed his body and the tension of seeing, or thinking, he saw Duo aboard the Solar had gone. He remembered Duo saying something about that during the war - fifteen and cocky and so damn persuasive - something about relieving pressure and increasing concentration. Somehow he felt calmer as he returned to his work. Correlate his exercise regime data for Hoffman. Analyse any changes to the solar activity. As he left his own living quarters he realised something was not quite right aboard the Solar - the emergency lighting system was activated which meant only one thing. Heero did not need to run but there was something about that knowledge that increased his urgency. He reached the automatic door to the observation and control room and saw everything he needed to know just by looking through the viewing panel. Flares. A large amount of activity. Unusual in the level of violence. "Status?" "Severe Solar activity," came the female response. Heero tried not to grunt as he sat in the command chair and looked at the data, his eyes widening at the numbers and the severity. "Communication?" "Unavailable." "Shields?" "Fully operational. I have rerouted all power from unnecessary functions to maintain full power." It was what Heero would've instructed the system to do and he sat back a little in the chair for a second and looked back at the data. The flares had become forty minutes ago. During his workout. His hand instinctively went to his neck and the spot that met shoulder and he felt a slight raised bump caused by... teeth, the biting down into skin... Heero pushed the command chair back and ran back towards his own living quarters and returned to the bathroom. He pulled down the baggy t-shirt and looked in the mirror, his back to the mirror and his head turned. And he saw the mark. A bite mark. A hickey. Something that had not been there previously. That it was impossible to be there. Unless, somehow, Duo was aboard the Solar. ~ * ~ |
